Jewish Mother-in-Training: Tip – Tissues
hi, i’m a jmit. this is my new column.
in case you don’t know what a jmit is, it’s a Jewish Mother In Training.
You probably want to get that expression in your head if 1) you are a JMIT; 2) your girlfriend is a JMIT; 3) you like to date Jewish girls; or 4) you’re a non-Jewish female who likes to date/marry Jewish boys (read: Shiksa) and you’d like to impress your mother-in-law to be.
now that you know what a JMIT is…let’s begin with our first tip!
tip #1: Always carry tissues with you.
whether it’s allergies, the common cold, or a tendency to make people cry, tissues are a staple item and they should always be handy
you can tell a new JMIT from an experienced JMIT based on how grungy the tissues look.
in order of experience:
above: the seriously rare JMIT will carry her tissues in a fashionable carry case. i say seriously rare because how many JMITs know how to sew?
more likely, this will be the sign of an experienced JMIT. (note: the multipack is a sign that the JMIT bought her tissues from COSTCO, a tip for another day).
sorta-experienced JMITs may carry one or two tissues, folded neatly, in her bag or pocket.
JMITs who have a tad more training than the totally inexperienced may have a crumpled wad of toilet paper on her person. again, this is for the newly initiated JMITs. More experienced JMITs realize that the nose is an important part of the Jewish physique and, therefore, would rather use softer tissue paper rather than rub noses raw (*more on the nose & the “deviated septum” to come!).
experienced but flakey JMITs may carry tissues but not refresh or replenish their supply. (note: you may also see JMs using this tactic. mostly because JMs tend to get senile quickly)
[insert picture of crumpled kleenex, possibly used, that's been at bottom of bag for days, weeks, months, or years. the google image search produced gross results but you can use your imaginations!]
Just remember, JMITs, those who leave home without tissues, spread germs. no, literally.