The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz is a Pulitzer Prize winning book that teaches you as much about Dominican history and the human condition as it does comic books and funny Spanish swear words. Meant especially for anyone who gravitates towards the rhythms of spoken word or who likes...
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All Posts by Lonnie
2 Sentence Review: The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
How Irrelevant are you?! Take the Google Zero Challenge.
Sometimes, a man just needs to know that there is nobody in this world that he can possibly relate to. Before the advent of online dating, this was no problem. But now, you can’t have a thought without the internet reminding you that 45 people in your cul de sac have had the same...
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It’s not the size of your pannis…
If society were a person, say, like pop hardly-sensation Mika, it might say… “Big Girls, you are beautiful.” But this is pretty old news, gal pals. You can be as plus-sized as you choose and still love the rolly-polly skin you’re in! Ask Tyra or Harrumph. But let me be the arbiter of a truth...
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Types of cancer I might have, some day.
1) Prancer Cancer- a benign cluster of cells develops around my prancing muscles. After intense prance-o-therapy, I’m back on my feet telling my story to millions in television ads. 2) Toothbrush cancer- My tastebuds double as carcinogens for inanimate objects. After three months of brushing my tongue devoutly, a malignant patch spreads over the...
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Being Illiterate is Underrated.
… I, Lonnie, purveyor of all things pop-ee and smutty, am calling for an unlearning of written language as means of communication. I want mass book burnings. I want the internet to consist of pictures and 2-d flash games. I want no one to appreciate this sentence: Though she lapped at my stinky balls...
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Prospective taunts for pro-life playground bullies
abortion, abortion, a hanger in contortion! incest, rape-ee, gotta keep your baby! if you weren’t a stupid slut, you could have taken it up the butt! buy a crib. buy a bib. the army calls dibs. on your mistake of a kid. (as they jump rope) roe, roe, roe v. wade gently down the...
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Over-Under and the 52 years of manity.
There are certain behaviors you can engage in if your 5. or if your 67. but those 52 years in between present an ambiguous slew of norms that cannot be broken. to elaborate, this is the time between recognizing you have testicles, and realizing your testicles are dragging across the kitchen floor. this is...
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Ways for Payless to improve (destroy?) its image using genitalia.
So Payless ShoeSource isn’t trendy. But there is no reason why paying pesos for my favorite kicks at the local PSS should send me spiraling downward into an oblivion of 90′s fashion disaster. Why do I spend all that time trimming my ball hair (props tough_love) when a girl won’t even look past my...
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Let me shit on your chest.
Please. Its not like I discriminiate on the basis of age, gender, or cognitive ability. If you have a chest, I want to shit all over it. No? You’re still not getting it! Let me break it down:
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i dream
about writing the word ‘cunt’ in capital letters for everyone to see. CUNT. welcome
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