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In the spirit of Dealbreakers, here’s a column with advice on when to cut your man or woman.

[Cut!] Not Any Old Tramp Stamp…

July 2, 2010
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[Cut!] Not Any Old Tramp Stamp…

When asked about your favorite band, you lift up the back of your shirt to reveal your huge Aerosmith tattoo?  Dream On, Sucker.  Cut!
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[Cut] Sidewalk Slow Walkers

June 18, 2010
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[Cut] Sidewalk Slow Walkers

But come on. You've got to hurry up. Some of us are perpetually late for work.
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[Cut] None of Our Business

May 4, 2010
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Loud talking so that everybody knows your story?  Cut. This one’s usually on a train or a plane, or somewhere where you are stuck with these assholes who grab their voice like a rubber ball, and hurl it about the cabin, allowing to bounce violently off every available surface, spilling people’s drinks, hitting them...
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[Cut] Nicholas Sparks

April 28, 2010
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[Cut] Nicholas Sparks

You're about as much of an artist as a monkey that accidentally shits in the shape of a heart.
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[Cut] Facebook Plans Announcer

April 27, 2010
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Updating your status because its Friday night and the gang’s coming over for canasta?  Cut. I’m assuming this is done because the person in question thinks the general response to “Fifty cent Jello shot’s at O’Leary’s” is for all of her Facebook friends to nod pensively and say, out loud to no one, “My,...
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[Cut] Whistling from a truck

April 23, 2010
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[Cut] Whistling from a truck

Oh, man. I can't wait to have sex again some day.
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[Cut] Farmer’s Tan

April 22, 2010
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Dude eternally wearing a plain white T?  Cut. Its the age-old conundrum. Your torso’s not attractive enough for you to be taking your shirt off all the time, but if you don’t do it more often, you’re left with being a pasty white ghost all summer.  The “purposeful bedhead” and communications degree is telling...
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[Cut] Ankle Tattoos

April 20, 2010
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Going to the tattoo parlor and coming back with a butterfly on your ankle?  Cut. “I’ve always wanted a tattoo,” you say.  ”I think it would be so cool, like Chad Kroeger.” You know this barely counts.  It’s one thing to coat your arms with snakes and demons and metaphors for band names.  If...
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[Cut] Denial Smoker

April 9, 2010
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Popping out for a cig for the fifth time while reassuring everyone you don’t smoke?  Cut. Look, smoke if you want, no one’s going to judge you for that.  Well, yeah, a lot of people actually will.  But at least go through with it.  Don’t tell us you’ve never paid for a pack and...
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[Cut] Cold Fluids

March 30, 2010
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[Cut] Cold Fluids

Pancake syrup in the refrigerator?  Yeah.  Cut. Its syrup!  Why would want it cold?  Now its thicker, slower, and harder to distribute on breakfast.  It can’t go bad. Also, it’s morning–I’m lucky if I get out of the kitchen without setting my pants on fire.  I don’t have time to watch as the syrup...
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