When asked about your favorite band, you lift up the back of your shirt to reveal your huge Aerosmith tattoo? Dream On, Sucker. Cut!
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Submit Who's Cut!
In the spirit of Dealbreakers, here’s a column with advice on when to cut your man or woman.
[Cut!] Not Any Old Tramp Stamp…
[Cut] Sidewalk Slow Walkers
But come on. You've got to hurry up. Some of us are perpetually late for work.
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[Cut] None of Our Business
Loud talking so that everybody knows your story? Cut. This one’s usually on a train or a plane, or somewhere where you are stuck with these assholes who grab their voice like a rubber ball, and hurl it about the cabin, allowing to bounce violently off every available surface, spilling people’s drinks, hitting them...
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[Cut] Nicholas Sparks
You're about as much of an artist as a monkey that accidentally shits in the shape of a heart.
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[Cut] Facebook Plans Announcer
Updating your status because its Friday night and the gang’s coming over for canasta? Cut. I’m assuming this is done because the person in question thinks the general response to “Fifty cent Jello shot’s at O’Leary’s” is for all of her Facebook friends to nod pensively and say, out loud to no one, “My,...
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[Cut] Whistling from a truck
Oh, man. I can't wait to have sex again some day.
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[Cut] Farmer’s Tan
Dude eternally wearing a plain white T? Cut. Its the age-old conundrum. Your torso’s not attractive enough for you to be taking your shirt off all the time, but if you don’t do it more often, you’re left with being a pasty white ghost all summer. The “purposeful bedhead” and communications degree is telling...
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[Cut] Ankle Tattoos
Going to the tattoo parlor and coming back with a butterfly on your ankle? Cut. “I’ve always wanted a tattoo,” you say. ”I think it would be so cool, like Chad Kroeger.” You know this barely counts. It’s one thing to coat your arms with snakes and demons and metaphors for band names. If...
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[Cut] Denial Smoker
Popping out for a cig for the fifth time while reassuring everyone you don’t smoke? Cut. Look, smoke if you want, no one’s going to judge you for that. Well, yeah, a lot of people actually will. But at least go through with it. Don’t tell us you’ve never paid for a pack and...
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[Cut] Cold Fluids
Pancake syrup in the refrigerator? Yeah. Cut. Its syrup! Why would want it cold? Now its thicker, slower, and harder to distribute on breakfast. It can’t go bad. Also, it’s morning–I’m lucky if I get out of the kitchen without setting my pants on fire. I don’t have time to watch as the syrup...
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