Archived entries for Features

Dear Mila,

I guess instead of penpal they should call it pen-yourself. Ha! You know, because I’m writing to myself. But that’s not entirely true either. I’m writing to you, you being my ideal imagined audience. And who is reading it in actuality is 50% a mystery to me. Which is kind of exciting, but mostly predictable. And predictability is something we seem to mostly underestimate, or ignore completely. I am more and more convinced that much of my life is completely predictable. Pushing the obvious aside, like that I will set my alarm for 8:30am tomorrow but won’t wake up till around 11am, eat a bowl of oatmeal while watching something I’ve already seen on HBO. Continue reading…

[Mixtape] Proof of my Vulnerability

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Around two years ago, someone made this mix for me.  During one of the last conversations I had with this person, I admitted to him that whenever I introduce two people, two friends, I’m always scared that they are going to become super close and forget about me.

An acquaintance of mine had recently moved into town.  She was about to meet this friend of mine and others.

My friend reassured me that I had nothing to worry about.  He added, “You’re funny.  You say out loud what most people only think in their heads.”

Well, I should’ve judged by his crappy music taste that he’d be a crappy friend.  (From that statement, I hope you can infer his crappy actions.)

I mean, OK, I’ll admit that I like the CSS song, Spank Rock, Chicks on Speed, and LCD Soundsystem.  And, OK, Bad Babysitter (Feat. High & Mighty (dirty)) (a song that was on the original CD) is kinda funny.  But seriously?  What almost-30 year old boy listens to this stuff?

Be honest.  Am I just spiteful or is this dance music for 13-year old girls?

[casting call] March 2009

It’s time again to open the site for new contributors.

as planned, nonpretentious will have open registration (a.k.a. a casting call) for the next seven (7) days.

nonpretentious would love to hear from people who:

unfortunately, due to some kinks that we’re working out, you will need a registration code to enter the site.

do not fear!

ask a contributor for the registration code or send an e-mail to editor@nonpretentious.com with your request.

all e-mails to the editor will receive a response.

* also, the dates of open registration are the 21st to the 28th of every month.   (oops!)

** this post will be re-posted mid-week to make sure no one misses it.

In addition, for this March 2009 casting call, I’d like to answer a few questions that were posed to me when I first invited people to contribute to the site.  (Note: if you were one of the first contributors, these answers are much more clearly articulated than they were back in July of last year!)

Why did you start the site?

I had three motivations for starting the site.  The first was completely selfish – when I was in law school, I was a religious blogger.  By July 2008, it had almost been two years since I stopped blogging and I missed it.  I missed the writing, the community (reciprocal links, reading up on other blogs).  I wanted it back.

But, I was no longer a student.  I had a full-time job as a recruiter – better known by its more cannibalistic term – a headhunter.  In other words, I was a grown up.  And, as evident by my line of work, I liked sales and I liked money.  Therefore, my goal was to bring my entrepreneurial  nature to the discipline of writing.  I wanted to create a business where writing was both an art and a commodity and writers – not publishers, not agents, not corporations but people who wanted to make a career out of their writing – took on the responsibilities of business decision-makers.

And, by applying the “market” to the discipline of writing, I hoped that people’s voices would be heard.  Diverse voices.  Voices that may be on our nightstand in ten (10) years time.  And voices that may never be published by McSweeney’s or in the New Yorker no matter how many times they tried.  (Fine, this may have been due to a little bit of spite on my end.)

Like any market, nonpretentious offers writers a forum, but as “market participants” the writers have to produce the results.  Contributors have to pull their weight and whether they’re writing is liked, hated, admired, or revolted by readers…it has to be READ.

The site is only what the contributors make of it.  The contributors – writers, photographers, developers, musicians – we are the ones who make the site what it is.   If a writer is not pulling his or her weight, s/he gets booted (after a lot of coaching attempts and interventions!)

What is your goal for it personally?

I’m in it for the long haul.  I want it to be a place where famous writers and entrepreneurs are created.  I want it to be a community for the current contributors and the alumni and affiliates.

What is your goal for it financially?

For it to be a business.  I’d like it to bring in revenue of $200,000 by its second year.  We’ll go from there.

Is there compensation? Detail$?

Here is the e-mail I recently sent to contributors:
In practice, nonpretentious will have to get paid before any one of us can get paid.)

While it’s not set in stone, I’m thinking of taking the total revenue that we make per week, subtracting a lump sum to recover some costs (e.g. our server & the time it takes me to do back-end stuff), and then paying people based on a pro rated word count.*

For example, let’s say we make $500 in one week.  Let’s say I take out $100 for costs & labor.  Let’s say stereocache writes one post that’s 400 words.  tough_love writes one post that’s 250 words, one post that’s 75 words, and one post that’s 100 words.  Lonnie writes two posts – one 150 words and one that is 250 words.  Total words for the week = 1,225.

stereocache would earn:  400/1225 * $400 = $130.61

tough_love would earn:  425/1225 * $400 = $138.78

Lonnie would earn:  400/1225 * $400 = $130.61

Contributors would be paid as soon as nonpretentious gets paid.  (i.e. I think the websites pay us once per month).

I’d keep an accounting balance – total weekly word counts, weekly word counts by contributors, and weekly revenue – on a google excel sheet (update: thinking of posting it directly to the site) that I would make available to everyone so that you can always know where you’re at, watch trends, etc.

Again, I’m open to other ideas but I think word count best balances quality and quantity.  I am also considering throwing bonus points for people who reach the site via a specific url (e.g. if they “entered” nonpretentious via http://nonpretentious.com/authors/rustedjesus) – but I’m not sure exactly how that would work out.  Until I think of something better, we’re going to stick with wordcount.  at least this way, we have some default system of getting paid once nonpretentious makes money.

So, speaking of…

Your marketing efforts would be helpful BUT I don’t want you to think of yourselves as sleazy sellers over writers.  If you’re into the marketing/advertising side of things, you can pitch in.  If you’re not, remember, our business is writing – so focus on that.

Also, I’m sorta thinking out loud but if any of you are interested in ONLY the marketing/advertising side of things (e.g. people who just don’t think writing is their forte), I’ll try to think of a way to make sure you are compensated for your efforts as well.

What do you see the site offering that isn’t being offered right now (or at least not as well).

I see the site as platform for writers to develop their voices.  In addition, I see it like an Etsy.com for writers – a platform to sell one’s writing, a community to find other writers, and a chance to be introduced to people across the internet who have only? at least? one thing in common.
While the site is not a news site, it’s also not a personal blog.  This means writers may have a further reach, as well.
Anything else goes (and continues to go so long as readers aren’t complaining).
It’s also a relatively exclusive community (limited to 100 contributors maximum) so it’s not as overwhelming as blogger or other publishing networks.
(This one is the toughest one to answer.  I need to come back to it later.  Contributors, do you have any further insight?)

What is the contributor size going to be? Will we have specific sections to uphold or is it just free for all?

100 maximum because that’s all Wordpress can handle.  However, we’ll add people as they come.  We may find we want to keep it smaller.
The sections – that’s up to each individual writer – some may want to, others may not.

are you (non)pretentious?  Prove yourself.  This month’s REGISTRATION CODE: betterthanthou.

Cage[d] Silence

John Cage Silence

a find by Fortuna Köln

I Think My Mom’s Changing Too

Like RustedJesus’s mom, my mom may be changing too.  While she does not really “get” Web 2.0 (I mean, c’mon, she’s still using an AOL e-mail address), she did forward me this video:

Maybe she’s learning?  I mean, she is on Facebook.

Let’s Get It On and other Valentine’s Day Treats

Today and tomorrow, you can download “Let’s Get It On” for free on Amazon.com by clicking on the banner in our left sidebar.

A few lucky readers will receive a Valentine’s Day treat from the contributors at nonpretentious.com. If you’d like to receive our offline treat during our next snail-mailing, make sure you let us know your mailing address. For anyone who received something this time, if you’d prefer not to receive something next time, let us know and we’ll take you off of our mailing list.

Finally, check back on Valentine’s Day. We’ll have two Valentine’s Day mixes – one naughty, one nice – courtesy of (one of) our favorite DJ/contributors, Fortuna_Koln.

xoxo!

Ready for 100% Fun – What’s Your Favorite Matthew Sweet Song

There’s a little bit of a debate over here…which Matthew Sweet song is your fave?

If you can match the contributor with their favorite Matthew Sweet song…well, you’ll get a nice little present in the mail.  

4 contributors (revisingproust, Fortuna_Köln, Bucky_Katz, and BrandyB).  4 songs (Girlfriend, We’re the Same, Sick of Myself, or I’ve Been Waiting).  Your pick.

as an aside, there are now 2 reasons why I love Matthew Sweet.  

#1) Susanna Hoffs is a pretty Jewess.

Matthew with my favorite Jewess

Matthew with my favorite Jewess

 

 

#2) Matthew Sweet makes his site with Joomla!  (look at the favicon!)

Ready for 100% Fun – What's Your Favorite Matthew Sweet Song

There’s a little bit of a debate over here…which Matthew Sweet song is your fave?

If you can match the contributor with their favorite Matthew Sweet song…well, you’ll get a nice little present in the mail.  

4 contributors (revisingproust, Fortuna_Köln, Bucky_Katz, and BrandyB).  4 songs (Girlfriend, We’re the Same, Sick of Myself, or I’ve Been Waiting).  Your pick.

as an aside, there are now 2 reasons why I love Matthew Sweet.  

#1) Susanna Hoffs is a pretty Jewess.

Matthew with my favorite Jewess

Matthew with my favorite Jewess

 

 

#2) Matthew Sweet makes his site with Joomla!  (look at the favicon!)

The JMIT (Jewish-Mother-in-Training) Wish List

Every young JMIT knows that she’ll come of age some day. Yes, some day she’ll become a woman. It may happen after she’s Bat Mitzvah’ed or after she has been deflowered but some day she’ll grow up to have her own Costco membership.

Until this JMIT becomes a woman, a Costco membership will be the only thing on her holiday wish list (excluding Starbucks stocking stuffers, of course!)

The worldwide economy may be tanking but (many) JMITs around the globe hardly have to worry about paying off credit card debt or student loans (thank you, Daddy! or, thank you, doctor-lawyer-dentist Husband!).  Likewise, they hardly need a holiday to “wish for” the newest Tory Burch shoes that are 40% off at Neiman’s. (Seriously, like they don’t already have at least two colors of the rainbow!)

Almost like a Cliff’s notes version of Passover, JMITs tend to use the holiday season to contemplate one simple question.

Don’t know what it is?  I’ll give you a hint.  The question is not: “Why is it that on all other days we can easily slip into our (awesome-yet-secret) parking spot at the mall but on the days during the ‘holiday season’ even our parking spots are no longer sacred?”  While this question may run through a JMIT’s mind, a JMIT’s true struggle during this Commercialized-Christmas-Season is much larger than one parking spot. 

When everyday is like your birthday, what’s going to make this season different from all other seasons?

You see, the distinguishing factor can’t be the fanciful shopping sprees, the botox, and the facials.  Nope. This is the time when a JMIT gets practical. Who knows what causes a JMITs practical thinking during the holidays? Maybe it’s the Jewish guilt that has been building up all of those months. Based on the Country’s obsession with Christmas Cheer, maybe JMITs simply don’t want to feel left out. Either way, JMITs realize that ’tis the season to care more about giving than receiving – they’re not totally selfish. They know that they should buy a present for the poor man who pumps their super unleaded gas, the housekeeper, the pet butler (the guy who picks up the dog poop), the painters, the landscapers, the secretaries, and other plebians.

What better way to get all of the knick-knacks and paddywhacks and cute package of dog bones for the pet butler than to shop at Costco.

Uncle Sam’s eyes are bulging with dollar signs just thinking about her spendings! savings!

Plus, no need to sober the moment with thoughts of what this card will mean for the future. Who cares if her quarterly? monthly? weekly? Costco bill equals the GDP of Somalia ($600), perhaps the Democratic Republic of the Congo ($700), or Afghanistan ($800)! I mean, seriously, she’s packing enough rolls of toilet paper, Q-tip boxes, gallons of Listerine, and fluffy white towels in her extra linen closet to clothe those nations as well!

And, it’s not like she’s paying the bill anyway.

True Blood – The Finale

[Note: This post is not meant for young children. The comments section may have spoilers.]

Friends Dont Let Friends Drink Friends

Friends Don't Let Friends Drink Friends

Based on The Southern Vampire Mysteries, a series of books by Charlaine Harris, and adapted for television by Alan Ball (Six Feet Under), True Blood presents a world where modern vampires can live among humans without the need to feed on them. After the Japanese invent synthetic blood that is produced into Tru Blood, vampires simply go into a bar or a convenience store and order a bottle in their favorite type (O, A, B, or AB) served at 98 degrees.

With this sense of “humanity,” vampires want equal protections under the law like voting rights and state-recognized marriages. At the same time, humans have started to crave vampire blood or “V” which allows them to achieve states of heightened senses and pure ecstasy. Unless a human can find a vampire dealer ready to drain his or her blood, the usual practice for v-junkies is to kill vampires and drain their blood.

For those of you who haven’t watched True Blood, HBO’s Sunday night 9 pm EST series, you better have good reason. To clarify, good reasons do not include: a) Desperate Housewives, b) hating all things Vampire, or c) any feelings you may have had about Six Feet Under.

Even if you do not want to watch any of the “special characters” (read: vamps, fang bangers, telepathics, shape shifters), some of the show’s best moments are provided by the supporting (read: human) characters – specifically, Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis), Tara Thornton (Rutina Wesley), and Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten).

Plus, the shows setting, Bon Temps, Louisiana, paves the way for some interesting commentary about prejudice as vampires fight for integration.

With that brief introduction, what did you think about the season finale? Let’s begin a discussion in the comments section of the post.