Who’s there?
Question #17:
You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.
Which option do you select?
vs. 
Order a salad on the first date? Cut! I like food. You should, too. It tastes good and provides all the nutrients you need to maintain a healthy body weight. Sarah Jessica Parker is NOT a healthy body weight. And she’s ugly.
Sends (sober!) texts like, “Hey cutie. Your so sexy. We still on for tonight? Can’t wait to see you their.” Cut.
–
In this spirit of Dealbreakers, here’s a column where nonpretentious contributors tell you when to cut your man or your woman.
Dear Undergrad,
I received your paper via email today. I’m very impressed that you turned it in on time. The clever little joke at the end about it going to be late, I have to admit, made me laugh. But let’s get down to business shall we.
I asked you to write an essay that related your experiences during spring break and to then evaluate those experiences within the broader context of what it means to be an American student. In regards to describing your spring break, you did a okay job. When I said feel free to use a little “truthiness” I certainly did not expect this level of “creativity” from you. Continue reading…
Girls with dead-eyed rat-dogs in sweaters sticking out of their purses? Cut.
That thing is begging to be anything else: stuck in a drainage pipe, fighting off a vigorously thorough parasite, 20 seconds from becoming hot dog meat. Just do it a favor and chuck it into traffic like a baseball, sadist.
Short woman cares about you being tall? Cut.
I’ve seen this online so often….”must be over 5 ft. 10 inches.” Talk about superficial. It’s one thing if you’re a tall woman, but I’ve seen this on so many short women’s profiles.
Dear Grad Student,
First, I’d like to apologize for my behavior in our last class before Spring Break. I know you’re just doing your job when you do stuff like assign a term paper just before we all go on vacation, so standing on my chair and making the “suck it” sign was not really as funny as it was supposed to be, especially since I hadn’t noticed that you no longer had your back to me.
I realize we may have not gotten off to a great start on the first day of classes, when I careened off the lecture hall doorway and face planted in front of your desk. There was a lot more blood and vomit then I like to shed on a first day. My frat brother Harpo told me, and I don’t recall this, mind you, but apparently I went on a six minute diatribe, churning with vulgarities and the occasional bizarre sexual reference, on my complete lack of respect for TA’s in general.
My point is, these days are behind us, and I believe you and I may be able to forge a fresh, dare I say, mutually respectful TA-student relationship.
Guys under 5′5″? Cut.
–
In this spirit of Dealbreakers, here’s a column where nonpretentious contributors tell you when to cut your man or your woman.
“Film school?” Yeah, I just came from there.
Let me tell you a little bit about film school, you basement-dwelling, Netflix-hawking, Tyler Durdens, out there; challenging your friends to movie trivia contests and answering their “What was that guy from?” inquiries with a sick sense of glee.
Get there. Get there as soon as possible. For the first time, you’ll be home. You’ll bask in the warm sensation of familiarity as you are finally with others like you and you’ll get a chill of thrilling adrenaline when the full workload is bestowed upon you.
Yes. It’s like pissing your pants. Except this time, the entire auditorium isn’t laughing at you. They’re looking on sympathetically, fists in the air: “Been there, dude. Power through. Power through.”
The latest trend in the musical stylings of the world has been decided.
It’s something that we’re all familiar with. We just don’t associate it with bands, groups or even artists.
It’s called synthpop.
Owl City has become an internet sensation overnight after the release of Fireflies on the record label, Universal. Owl City is a musical project by Adam Young, a young American artist who previously published his albums under self-release.
Now, he has a tour of fifty dates and the song ‘Fireflies’ is being remixed, redubbed and replayed across the globe. It is on the playlist of every mainstream listener and every good night out has this played at least once.
Is this new sensation just a man with a beat-board and a talent for discovering beats and rhythms in songs?
Search Owl City on YouTube and one of the top results will be a featured video which was one of his first live tours and he has talents. His voice isn’t the same as the album but he is unique and that’s unusual in the musical world.
Praise where praise is due.
This sensation could mark a new passage in music.
Buy any product you want from Amazon using this search tool and a small portion of your purchase will go to supporting nonpretentious. If you prefer, you can also visit the iTunes Store for TV Shows
nonpretentious's Privacy Policy • nonpretentious's Advertising Policy. • Contributors Login.
RSS Feed. This blog is proudly powered by Wordpress and uses Modern Clix, a theme by Rodrigo Galindez.
