Rules of the Game (Girl Version): Day 9
If you’re like me, you doubted Neil Strauss. You thought he was arrogant for his title of professional pick-up artist. You thought he was a scumbag for preaching and practicing the so-called art of attraction. But, let me tell you: the guy knows his stuff!
In case you didn’t pick up on the defeatist tone of my recent posts, trust me, it was there. And Neil Strauss knew it would be. He understands that last week, right around day 9, I’d be ready to throw in the towel. He knew that I’d start to think the missions were pointless – who wants to talk to strangers anyway? – and I’d come up with millions of excuses on why I couldn’t, wouldn’t, or shouldn’t do them.
Most of all, Neil Strauss knows that it’s hard to change your lifestyle. But, unlike other gurus, he’s not there to judge. He’s there to help. Sure, this book supposed to teach you everything you need to know in 30 days. However, Strauss recognizes that this may not be realistic for some. And, he says that’s okay! He shifts the focus to the end goal (going through the lessons) rather than focusing on the time constraints (30 days). He wants to help you, if you want to help yourself.
So, I took a break. And, I may take another along the way. But that doesn’t mean I want to stop this process. It means this process is hard for me. Which, I think, is a good thing.
Mission 1: Crunch Time
For this mission, I went back and re-did the missions I skipped. To be specific, I tried some openers with roots and time constraints. I also decided to purposely talk to a man with a wedding ring. Don’t get me wrong – I didn’t do this to flirt! I did this to get over my fears that I’d talk to people who were married. I figured, they’re married. They won’t think I’m trying to pick them up. And, isn’t that sort of the point? To practice being friendly, not pushy, not sleazy.
Mission 2: Approach Mixed Groups
For this mission, I was supposed to go up to a group at a bar of both girls and guys. I had to include the girls in the conversation so the guys wouldn’t think I was flirting with them. (“At least, not yet.”) See? It’s sorta the same philosophy as approaching guys who I know are married!
Mission 3: Intervention
And here’s where the genius really comes out:
Statistically, the 9th day of a new self-improvement program is the point when most people drop out. That’s not going to be you.
Instead, I read a briefing called, “The Fourteen Laws of Learning.” Here’s what they are, in short:
- Acquire and apply knowledge in small chunks.
- There is no such thing as rejection, only feedback.
- It’s never her fault. (“It’s always your fault. And that’s a good thing, because it means you’re in control. So never blame any person or situation. Instead, demonstrate a willingness to examine yourself and accept criticism without taking it personally. Only then can you accurately determine whether there was something you could have done to change the outcome, or if the outcome was truly unavoidable.”)
- Learn actively rather than passively.
- Don’t rehearse negative outcomes.
- Understand how your mind learns. (“Unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, unconscious competence.”)
- Be willing to go through the pain period.
- Don’t look to friends or family for approval.
- Be willing to test new ideas, even if they don’t seem logical.
- Once something works, figure out how and why it works.
- If you don’t know what to do, don’t leave.
- Hang around someone better than yourself.
- Make sure that your ratio of effort to results is increasing.
- Finish what you begin. (“Most people can accomplish just about anything within the realm of possibility. Despite this, they never realize their dreams. Either they quit before they reach their goals (and always with a seemingly good reason for doing so), or they don’t change their strategy when something’s not working. Roughly 19 out of 20 people who start reading this book won’t stick with the program until the end. Don’t be one of those people. Simply by not giving up, you’ll already be in the top 5 percent of [wo]men out there.”)
Top 5%, here I come!