The Mustache Diaries: Day 8

Dear Diary,

I want to give a shout out to Dan for recommending the Gillette Fusion ProGlide. I actually one upped him and went for the Gillette Fusion ProGlide Power! Extreme! I’m pretty sure it’s just a gimmick, but it feels good, those gentle vibrations on my face, pulsing through my fingertips as I clutch the sporty grip handle. It’s like thousands of tiny masseuses palpitating my face, telling me that today is going to be a good day. Wonderful. Exquisite. Battery IS included. Boosh!

Yesterday, in the library, I walked by this giant atlas and did a double take. The title of the atlas was, An Atlas of African Prehistory. I love maps, and atlases, but let me try to be logical about this. What the fuck is prehistory? Well, I did some wikipedia-ing and this is what I found. History is defined as the study of the human past. It’s also defined as the study of past since writing was invented. Now, I imagine it is debated that when these beginnings actually occur, but you can still get the idea of the concept. So, that means prehistory is the time before humans, or the time before any written records of any kind exist. Which makes the phrase that so many of my students use—”Since the beginning of time…”—all the more ridiculous and without information. But here’s what bothers me. I’ve always had the idea that history simply means that which came before. So the concept of prehistory made no sense to me. How could you have something come before everything? But what this says to me is that we are completely self-centered species. Ridiculously so. So much so that it seems like the Earth doesn’t revolve around the sun, but rather the Universe revolves around humans. Literally.

This guy now doesn’t seem so crazy.

And so, despite my attempts to raise money from you to fight kid cancer (you guys are doing a poor job by the way, except for Maggie and Melissa), it has dawned on me that I’m really growing this mustache for myself. Because in the words of my friend Christopher, I am “the most depressing [sic] writer in the world.”

Yours,

Mr. Killstache, a.k.a Kiren

You can donate to Kiren’s mustache and help cure kids with cancer by going to Mustaches vs. Cancer and searching for Mr. Killstache. It’s a scientific fact that Kiren’s mustache grows better with multiple and frequent donations.

Tags: crazy, history, Mr. Killstache, Mustaches vs. Cancer, prehistory, the universe, Time Cube

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