[Cut] Sidewalk Slow Walkers

June 18, 2010

By Justin Klugh

I am trying to get somewhere. And while I’m sure you are very interesting human beings, with your own thoughts, opinions, tastes, clothes, keys and work stories, right now, you are just two living obstacles between me and the next thing I’m going to be late for.

When did it become okay for people to walk three or bodies across down a sidewalk at the speed of a breaking down zamboni? I know you know I’m behind you. You can’t tell me you don’t hear my irritated grunts as I teeter on the verge of another rage-stroke.

I am a fast walker, though. Too fast. I always look like I’m trying to flee a murder scene without giving myself away by jogging (not that I’d get very far without face planting on the pavement from exhaustion even if I were to try). So maybe it’s not entirely your fault that my angry face is pretty much perched on your shoulder as you meander down the way to Gloria’s to discuss the latest azalea news.

But come on. You’ve got to hurry up. Some of us are perpetually late for work.