Dear Grad Student: An Exchange

Dear Grad Student,

Sure, we can pretend it’s surprising that you’re being incarcerated.  Giving a collective “Let’s go back to my place” to the entire class may have been our first bit of foreshadowing to your future in an orange jumpsuit.

It was a hell of a party, though.  As they say in cool movies, “so much fun it’s probably illegal.”  Which it was, so it makes sense that your illustrious career of bending over for the school admin is being put on hold for 3-5 years.

But I sympathize.  I know my kind.  We don’t listen.  We don’t show up.  We want to get the highest grades while doing the least amount of work.  It’s no picnic leading your troops into battle when they’re already corpses.  They say college isn’t just one big party, but really, it is, and you’re the Mr. Belding.  Don’t try to befriend us because you’re lonely.  You’re still a middle-aged man hanging out with undergrads.  That’s why “Saved by the Bell” wasn’t based on actual events.

ABOVE: A cool guy.

So, my gift to you, Grad Student, is that you get a sneak preview of my TA evaluation.  Well, not really a “preview,” because I already handed it in.  More like an “advanced copy.”

What do you think is this TA’s greatest strength as a teacher?

Probably his forearms.

How can this TA improve her/his teaching?

Turn your iPod down during exams, man.  We all love “Party in the USA,” but it’s hard to take your precious pop quizzes when you’re blaring it on repeat.

Was the TA always available during posted office hours?

Yes.  Or, as he made sure to point out on his Facebook page, “EXTREMELY available.”

The TA’s knowledge of the material was _________.

Admirable.  This was a class based on the basics of blackmail, right?  I didn’t read the syllabus.

The TA’s preparation of the material was _________.

Probably done via several hours of mesmerized clicking on Wikipedia, with a couple of breaks on the Hannah Montana page.  Did you know she wasn’t even born in Montana?!

Overall, the TA’s performance was _________.

Off-key.  If you’re going to try and do Miley justice on karaoke night, you’ve gotta be able to hit the high ones, not just thrust suggestively and emphasize the words “Party… in…  U.”

That’s about it.  Oh, and regarding yout “He who hath not sinned shall cast the first stone,” comment.  I mean, yeah, I see where you’re coming from, but dudes spouting Bible verses in open court never really looks good on Law and Order, so… just think before you speak.  That goes for when you’re actually in prison, too.

Put your hands up.  They’re playing your song.

Undergrad

Tags: Dear Grad Student, Law and Order, prison, saved by the bell

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