On Spring Break in Whistler at the age of 30 with my Parents, or, What is Happening to Me? Day 4

March 31, 2010

By Kiren Valjee

What follows is an account of my 8-day spring break vacation, spent at the ski resort Whistler/Blackcomb in British Columbia, Canada. It’s just me and my parents. I am 30 years old. Single. Depressed. God rapes us in mysterious ways.

For those of you who may know me and my parents, I must say, I do not hate or despise them. These are simply observations intended for humor and I appreciate them as people and certainly love them as my parents. That said, they’re crazy.

Day 4

I was hoping that I would be better at skiing today. I am not. I’ve taken three runs and I’m sucking air and my legs are burning like Waco. I take an early lunch, by myself, and then order a hot chocolate and Bailey’s at the bar. Perhaps this will make my afternoon runs better. The bar is called Seppo’s Run. Seppo is some vet who opened up a bar in Whistler and became rich. Yay for Seppo. In the midst of extremely expensive libations and food, Seppo’s keeps it real. Jana, the bartender, is a craftsman of the drink and the up-sell, making sure the customers are happy and hocking doubles and triples at every turn. A gentleman enjoying a glass of wine and a sandwich asks how much for a bag of chips. “A gift for you,” replies Jana. Twenty feet away, a cashier rings up the same bag of chips for $4. That person is raped. But it’s good to know that someone on the mountain (Jana) isn’t trying to rape us. Instead she seduces us with a wink and a smile and we will gladly order another round.

Dinner is good. I order ribs. We are sitting at the bar of an upscale bar & grill. You know, the type of place that has the hockey game on, yet the lights are turned down low and there’s candles on every table. All of the servers and hostesses are attractive females. Our bartender is an attractive female. I think she keeps looking at me and smiling, but that seems unreasonable. She’s got great legs. What are the chances that I’ll see her on the slopes tomorrow morning? Spoiler Alert: Better than you think. Things are looking up.