nonpretentious

A Broad Abroad

Most college students studying abroad start blogs so that they can keep in touch with friends, journal their travels, and remember the details of their experience.

Around four months ago, right after I turned in my abroad application, I decided that I wouldn’t blog when I was abroad. Despite my sister being a professional blogger (hi Melissa!) and my participation here, I knew I wouldn’t always have enough time, energy, motivation, and wit to write in a blog daily. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t. When my friends set-up their new virtual homes, picked original URLs and publishing platforms, I steadfastly stuck to my decision.

After approximately 7 days in Spain, I’ve decided that a blog is necessary to let others know what I’ve been up to and what I’m planning on doing (by others I mean, my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother (he doesn’t read so he’s not actually included), Bari, and any of you). Therefore, I will try to update this series as much as possible. *Disclaimer: Please don’t be surprised if my blog is just a compilation of all my other Seville-traveling friends’ blogs.

Until next time…here’s a quick recap of the past 7 days:

I know that’s not very interesting, but that’s all I can write for now. I’m overexhausted from the amount of walking I do daily and I must nurse my feet back to health.

Adios! Besos.

16 of 23

Knock Knock.

Question #16:

You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you’ve never before visited), drinking Barcardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. “Be careful of that guy,” you are told. “He is a man with a past.” A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your acquaintance who this new individual is. “Be careful of that guy, too,” he says. “He is a man with no past.”

Which of these two people do you trust less?

See that man to the right? What’s his name? No, not Clint Eastwood. I mean the character. What’s his name? Can’t remember, can you? Don’t worry, your brain isn’t melting from one too many acid trips. He doesn’t have a name. He’s the Man With No Name. He has no past, and therefore no name. No one knows from whence he came and for what he keeps on keepin’ on for. He just does. He just is. And if he walked into the bar, I would leave immediately because people are gonna straight up be killed.

But you see this guy, to the left there? He does have a name. It’s William “Bill” Munny. He has a name, and a past. In his past he killed everyone. And I mean everyone, including children. If he walked into a bar, I would also leave immediately and rush home to change my diaper. Yes, if I lived in the Old West, I’d wear a diaper. But mostly because outhouses are gross. Plus scorpions are known to hide out in outhouses. And really, who’s gonna suck out that poison? No one. That’s who. NO ONE.

So it seems like I don’t have much of a choice. A man with a past, and without, can be equally terrifying. But I’ll make a decision, no cop outs ’round here. I trust the man without a past less. A man with past has a reputation, and though it’s no guarantee, it’s better than knowing nothing. And I hate knowing nothing. What do you know about it anyway?

Dear Mila,

Hello. My name is…well, just call me RJ. Kind of like Ray J, but not really. You don’t know me, and actually, I don’t know you. I know of you. Or I know you as the dumb, yet lovable Jackie Burkhart on That ’70s Show; the sassy and sexy Rachel Jansen in Forgetting Sarah Marshall; the dangerous femme fatale, Mona Sax, in Max Payne; the misunderstood angst-ridden Meg Griffin on Family Guy; and most recently, the, uh, Solara in The Book of Eli. I’m sorry, I can’t figure out how to describe your character in that movie. The character wasn’t written well. How would you describe her in no more than two words? Impossible, I tell you.

I should get to the point. Would you like to be my pen pal? I’ve never had a pen pal, and have always wanted one. You Continue reading…

15 of 23

It’s about time.

Question #15:

Someone builds an optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it’s essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like in twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal, you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football game, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian Football League, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that—for some unknown reason—you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed.

The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between the Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?

Continue reading…

Dear Undergrad: An Exchange

Dear Undergrad,

It was good to see you in the university gym that was built for all students to use at their discretion. I love it when you sit in the weight machine that exercises your inner and outer thighs and talk to the Sigma Alpha Epsilon president about where you might go out that night and whether Brandon is going to be there because he was acting so weird the other night after you two made out at the Pimps ‘n’ Hoes party. I agree, it was so not a big deal and he should just get over himself. And you’re totally right that Lauren has no right to be jealous, she dumped him 3 weeks ago! Slut.

Anyway, I received your email asking me for a recommendation for graduate school. As I understand it, you’re planning to apply for a Master’s degree elementary education. That’s excellent. I think you’re the perfect candidate for teaching young minds how to keep up with the Kardashians. I’ve attached the letter below. I wish you way more than luck.

Continue reading…