What Not To Do During Your Election Day Rally
1. Do not invite Joe Lieberman to stand behind you. No one likes him, Democrats or
2. Tell your wife to make sure she doesn’t continuously lick her teeth. Her lips aren’t thick enough to accidentally transfer the ominous red lipstick to her teeth.
3. Do not pause during cheers and applause to point at your supporters as if you’re choosing them to be on your kickball team. Pointing is rude.
4. Try not to repeat the exact same speech, pauses and all, you gave the day before in a different state. People have televisions and they notice. Just because you have Alzheimer’s doesn’t mean everyone else does.
5. A paraphrase of your opponents slogan does not make it your own.
6. Do not close out your speech with Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again.”
7. Do not look old. Like, about to die old.