Pennsylvania Dairy Fight
I live in Wisconsin.
Wouldn’t you expect the string cheese to be so good here? Well it’s not. It’s nothing compared to polly-o orange and white twist-ums. (This is where I would insert a picture for all of you who don’t know what polly-o twist-ums are…but I just looked on google and all of the pictures are very small so it would be a waste of my time and yours).
Anyway, the reason I am bringing up this dairy post is because of this funny event that happened 2 nights ago….
I am in a film and TV class and every Thursday we have a screening from 6-8 pm. This week we watched All in the Family, Kate and Allie, and The Mary Tyler Moore show. So since these are television shows they obviously had commercials (duh). Well, one of the commercials during The Mary Tyler Moore Show was the “happy cows come from California” commercial. You know what I’m talking about? Here.
Well, anyway, you would have thought I was at a sporting event after that commercial played. Everyone was booing, screaming, fighting, throwing things. It was bad. Then the show came back and everyone was normal again.
I guess the point of this post is that…people from Wisconsin are always like “we’re the country’s dairyland” (that’s what their license plates say) But like….their dairy isn’t really THAT good. So, Pennsyvlanians, I know most of you are, we need to hype up OUR dairy! Why do California and Wisconsin get all the credit when pollly-o string-ums are SO good and are not sold anywhere in the midwest or west coast? AND, how come i can’t find any smart food (white CHEDDAR – still dairy talk – popcorn) at any grocery store here? I’m very angry.
So….lets make buttons! posters! flyers! PENNSYLVANIA DIARY IS BETTER THAN WISCONSIN DAIRY.
you hear that, Lonnie?
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I absolutely hear that, toughy love.
While this response could just mean I’m severely lactose intolerant, I don’t give ONE FUCKING DAMN ABOUT CHEESE.
Here’s why. In this land of opportunity, regional identity is one of the biggest capitalist fabrications alive. I want us (me, the state of Wisconsin, humanity) to reach a “pride” that doesn’t mean “ruggedly asserting our own identities until we deserve to be punched.” Wisconsin Cheese is GREAT. Cheese from Pennsylvania is INCREDIBLE. So lets enjoy it. Let’s feature it on the same plate with other spreads and some low-carb crackers. Let’s shampoo ourselves with it, use it as a personal lubricant, or keep it in the fridge until its as rotten and worthless as our outdated sense of self.
I love you.
-Lonnie.