Archived entries for

What Not To Do During Your Election Day Rally

1. Do not invite Joe Lieberman to stand behind you. No one likes him, Democrats or
Republicans.

2. Tell your wife to make sure she doesn’t continuously lick her teeth. Her lips aren’t thick enough to accidentally transfer the ominous red lipstick to her teeth.

3. Do not pause during cheers and applause to point at your supporters as if you’re choosing them to be on your kickball team. Pointing is rude.

4. Try not to repeat the exact same speech, pauses and all, you gave the day before in a different state. People have televisions and they notice. Just because you have Alzheimer’s doesn’t mean everyone else does.

5. A paraphrase of your opponents slogan does not make it your own.

6. Do not close out your speech with Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again.”

7. Do not look old. Like, about to die old.

Alastair Harper’s Response to a Groupie

Hi there,
Firstly, thank you for such kind words. Even my vanity levels are not
high enough to see the justification in comparing me to Lawrence Sterne,
James Joyce and Thomas Pynchon in one sentence. Maybe two of the three
I could handle.

I got your letter in Italy in the same town that Gore Vidal described
himself as having always lived in his mind. I’m not quite sure what that
means, but he must have a big old brain to fit the whole place in. Now
it is a cold day in London and America is presumably about to vote in
Barack Obama as president. Earlier on in the street I saw a middle-aged
man in a McCain badge. This isn’t a common thing in London, the poor
sap. Continue reading…

Alastair Harper’s Response to a Groupie

Hi there,
Firstly, thank you for such kind words. Even my vanity levels are not
high enough to see the justification in comparing me to Lawrence Sterne,
James Joyce and Thomas Pynchon in one sentence. Maybe two of the three
I could handle.

I got your letter in Italy in the same town that Gore Vidal described
himself as having always lived in his mind. I’m not quite sure what that
means, but he must have a big old brain to fit the whole place in. Now
it is a cold day in London and America is presumably about to vote in
Barack Obama as president. Earlier on in the street I saw a middle-aged
man in a McCain badge. This isn’t a common thing in London, the poor
sap. Continue reading…

Dispatches from an Election Day Pollworker

Well, this is somewhat of a misnomer and somewhat embarrassing.

I never got around to calling Pam. So I’m actually not working the polls. I am disappointed in myself, but also somewhat relieved that I don’t have to spend the day working with crazy people. But in an effort to make this column useful, I’ve waited to vote during one of the busiest times of
day. So I antcipate spending a long time in line. I’ve packed a lunch, and a book. I forgot to charge my iPod, so I won’t have any music, but that will just increase my chances of talking to crazy people. You can follow me here or here (just search for ‘rustedjesus’). I’ll be sending updates via my cell phone. Technology orgasm!


follow rustedjesus at http://twitter.com

Well that was rather uneventful. There was a cute girl voting next to me, but I didn’t ask her who she voted for. I didn’t want to be disappointed. It was extremely exciting to see Obama’s name on the ballot. I nearly ejaculated all over the ballot. But the best part of the process was over hearing at least 4 people coming and proclaiming that this was their first time voting. And all of them were certainly old enough to have been able to vote in the last three presidential elections. It’s a special day.

Happy voting.

Book Review: The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court by Jeffrey Toobin

Recommended for people who like: Law and Order, The Daily Show, anything by Howard Zinn, reading footnotes, abovethelaw, Dahlia Lithwick or anything written by the Jurisprudence department of Slate.com.


The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court by Jeffrey Toobin is an examination of the Supreme Court during the tenure of Chief Justice Rehnquist. Please don’t be turned off because of its (boring!) “history” label. Some of the “history” lessons that I learned:

  • pre-SCOTUS appointment, Justice Clarence Thomas drove a black corvette (“‘REZ IPSA,’ the vanity license plate said, a play on the Latin legal phrase that means ‘The thing speaks for itself.’” p. 41)
  • Clinton appointed two Jews to the Supreme Court – Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Justice Stephen Breyer
  • Chief Justice John Roberts played a part in advocating for Bush v. Gore as a private attorney…and he adopted his two kids
  • Jay Sekulow, “a nice Jewish boy from Brooklyn” who later “committed his life to Jesus Christ” as a “Jews for Jesus,” is the force behind many of recent First Amendment cases that have to do with free exercise, free speech, and the Establishment Clause
  • Souter, a bachelor, lives like he’s straight out of Walden

The book describes the idiosyncrasies of the justices (for example, who knew about Sandra Day O’Connor’s partying or her rigorous exercise schedule). More importantly, it shows their growth and their stubborn resolve as they interpret, apply, and create Court precedents such as Bush v. Gore, Lawrence v. Texas (overruling Bowers v. Hardwick), Ropers v. Simmons (overruling Stanford v. Kentucky), Roe v. Wade, Planned Parenthood v. Casey, Grutter v. Bollinger, Gratz v. Bollinger, Hamdi, Padilla, United States v. Lopez, and Kelo.

By default, The Nine shows the rise of the conservatism on the Supreme Court and in the public at large. Continue reading…