nonpretentious

The JMIT (Jewish-Mother-in-Training) Wish List

Every young JMIT knows that she’ll come of age some day. Yes, some day she’ll become a woman. It may happen after she’s Bat Mitzvah’ed or after she has been deflowered but some day she’ll grow up to have her own Costco membership.

Until this JMIT becomes a woman, a Costco membership will be the only thing on her holiday wish list (excluding Starbucks stocking stuffers, of course!)

The worldwide economy may be tanking but (many) JMITs around the globe hardly have to worry about paying off credit card debt or student loans (thank you, Daddy! or, thank you, doctor-lawyer-dentist Husband!).  Likewise, they hardly need a holiday to “wish for” the newest Tory Burch shoes that are 40% off at Neiman’s. (Seriously, like they don’t already have at least two colors of the rainbow!)

Almost like a Cliff’s notes version of Passover, JMITs tend to use the holiday season to contemplate one simple question.

Don’t know what it is?  I’ll give you a hint.  The question is not: “Why is it that on all other days we can easily slip into our (awesome-yet-secret) parking spot at the mall but on the days during the ‘holiday season’ even our parking spots are no longer sacred?”  While this question may run through a JMIT’s mind, a JMIT’s true struggle during this Commercialized-Christmas-Season is much larger than one parking spot. 

When everyday is like your birthday, what’s going to make this season different from all other seasons?

You see, the distinguishing factor can’t be the fanciful shopping sprees, the botox, and the facials.  Nope. This is the time when a JMIT gets practical. Who knows what causes a JMITs practical thinking during the holidays? Maybe it’s the Jewish guilt that has been building up all of those months. Based on the Country’s obsession with Christmas Cheer, maybe JMITs simply don’t want to feel left out. Either way, JMITs realize that ’tis the season to care more about giving than receiving – they’re not totally selfish. They know that they should buy a present for the poor man who pumps their super unleaded gas, the housekeeper, the pet butler (the guy who picks up the dog poop), the painters, the landscapers, the secretaries, and other plebians.

What better way to get all of the knick-knacks and paddywhacks and cute package of dog bones for the pet butler than to shop at Costco.

Uncle Sam’s eyes are bulging with dollar signs just thinking about her spendings! savings!

Plus, no need to sober the moment with thoughts of what this card will mean for the future. Who cares if her quarterly? monthly? weekly? Costco bill equals the GDP of Somalia ($600), perhaps the Democratic Republic of the Congo ($700), or Afghanistan ($800)! I mean, seriously, she’s packing enough rolls of toilet paper, Q-tip boxes, gallons of Listerine, and fluffy white towels in her extra linen closet to clothe those nations as well!

And, it’s not like she’s paying the bill anyway.

The Marathon: Entry 1

And now the news you’ve all been waiting for: I’m going to run a Marathon.

Probably the New Jersey Marathon on May 3, 2009.

If any of ya’ll want to run it and live in NYC, I’m going to see if I can put together a group of friends to train. Or perhaps to train with a formal group in Central Park or somewhere else in the city.

We’d have to start fairly soon (by early January) because the race is only about 23 weeks away. I think it generally takes 16-20 weeks to train for a marathon. You probably should be able to run at least 4 miles without too much difficulty before beginning to train.

By the way, the New Jersey Marathon is supposed to be a beautiful, well-organized marathon with a lot of runners (check out the reviews here). It’s less than 60 miles from NYC along the ocean.

In any event, I’m also going to write about the marathon. So, stay tuned.

True Blood – The Finale

[Note: This post is not meant for young children. The comments section may have spoilers.]

Friends Don't Let Friends Drink Friends

Based on The Southern Vampire Mysteries, a series of books by Charlaine Harris, and adapted for television by Alan Ball (Six Feet Under), True Blood presents a world where modern vampires can live among humans without the need to feed on them. After the Japanese invent synthetic blood that is produced into Tru Blood, vampires simply go into a bar or a convenience store and order a bottle in their favorite type (O, A, B, or AB) served at 98 degrees.

With this sense of “humanity,” vampires want equal protections under the law like voting rights and state-recognized marriages. At the same time, humans have started to crave vampire blood or “V” which allows them to achieve states of heightened senses and pure ecstasy. Unless a human can find a vampire dealer ready to drain his or her blood, the usual practice for v-junkies is to kill vampires and drain their blood.

For those of you who haven’t watched True Blood, HBO’s Sunday night 9 pm EST series, you better have good reason. To clarify, good reasons do not include: a) Desperate Housewives, b) hating all things Vampire, or c) any feelings you may have had about Six Feet Under.

Even if you do not want to watch any of the “special characters” (read: vamps, fang bangers, telepathics, shape shifters), some of the show’s best moments are provided by the supporting (read: human) characters – specifically, Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis), Tara Thornton (Rutina Wesley), and Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten).

Plus, the shows setting, Bon Temps, Louisiana, paves the way for some interesting commentary about prejudice as vampires fight for integration.

With that brief introduction, what did you think about the season finale? Let’s begin a discussion in the comments section of the post.

Cultural Creators vs. Cultural Consumers

I just saw Lawrence Lessig on Charlie Rose. He’s a law professor and author with close connections to Obama. And he’s a lot smarter than me.

His new book is called Remix (available soon under a Creative Commons license). He proposes a dramatic revision of copyright law worldwide to fit how information is used in the internet age. Fascinating stuff.

One idea that I found amazing is Lessig’s assertion that the internet is bringing us back into a world where people are creators of culture and not just passive cultural consumers. Lessig advocates a world where people can create and recreate the most important cultural elements around them — where amateur creativity is important, rather than a world where we’re merely passive consumers of culture.

So, congrats, folks: if you’re blogging, you get a culture-creator medal. Thumbs up!

I highly recommend the Charlie Rose interview, by the way.

3 Anti-Green Politically Incorrect Reasons Why Gas Prices Are So Cheap

1. Hippie activists no longer need to campaign nor can no longer use the election as a façade for their unemployment.

2. Already-bankrupt public transportation couldn’t handle the increase in commuters.

3. No one wants more bikes sharing the road.

* Thr33s is a column created by slackers inspired by 5ives. Feel free to post your thr33s.

Dispatches From A [Potential] Juror

* The names and dates have been changed to protect the innocent.

Time: 7:46 pm, Thursday, October 30th, a few weeks until jury duty

Receive jury duty summons in mail.  Turn in jury questionnaire with big letters written on it, “YES!  First time!!”

Time: Some time between October 30th and November 10th

Misplace jury duty summons.  Remember that summons said November 11th, 8:15 am.  Question the accuracy of this due to the holiday (Veteran’s Day) but do not attempt to call courthouse.

Brag to everyone repeatedly that performing the highest civic service other than serving in armed forces on November 11th.

Time:  9:47 pm, Monday, November 10th, 11 hours, 13 minutes until jury duty 8 days, 11 hours, 13 minutes until jury duty

-11:13hrs: Raid room, er, conduct mission to find misplaced jury duty summons to confirm that, yes, jury duty is tomorrow albeit (stupid) municipal holiday.

-10:01hrs: Resolve that jury duty summons is missing.

-07:15hrs:  Attempt to go to sleep.  Pass the time by contemplating the huge ethical and moral issues that may face in courtroom tomorrow. Continue reading…

First AG from Queens?

Though it may be not be official, news reports and conventional wisdom have it that Obama will nominate Eric Holder to be the next Attorney General.

This would make him not only the first African-American Attorney General, but also (I believe) the first AG from Queens! (can someone confirm that he’s actually the first? I’m not positive of it).

I know, I know. Like me, most of you probably also live in Queens and are wondering to yourself, what neighborhood? I mean, there are 2.2 million people in Queens. It’s not exactly a small area. Apparently, he’s from East Elmhurst, which is close to Jackson Heights and, of course, Elmhurst. And it’s only 1 1/2 neighborhoods away from me.

So, needless to say this is exciting. He’s eminately qualified and from Queens. Obama couldn’t make a better choice.

Verdict: Map Ref 41°N 93°W

Yes, friends, it’s finally time to reveal the winner of Cover v. Original #3: Wire v. My Bloody Valentine (N/A as mp3). The original art-punks versus the original shoegazers. Two will enter, but only one will leave.

Continue reading…

Winter Tips From a JMIT

1) Carry a tub of aquaphor around. It’s nippy out, and no one wants some chapped lips on their nippys! (Sorry, I forgot to mention that this post wasn’t PG).

No, but really. For us college gals (Me and……) it really is hard to find an outfit that’s appropriate for a party and the cold weather. So, I guess the JMIT is stumped. I’m really unsure what to do in situations like this. Obviously you can wear a coat. But then that stirs up all kinds of sanity problems. Where to put it? Can you trust leaving it on a dirty bench? What if someone steals it and you’re back at square one? Oh woe is us. So, this is your time – JMITs and JFITS (fathers in training)! Help me survive this winter! If you don’t have any tips, maybe you can sew me a cute wool dress that has a built in heater.

2) Buy snow boots. Seriously, I’m sick of people falling. Well, no not really. I’m sick of watching people fall, offering them help, them saying “no i’m fine”, and then seeing them waddle away because they broke every single vertebrae in their back. Get some traction, fools!

3) Wear layers! I mean, come on, everyone knows that once you enter into a building you’re going to need sunglasses, flip flops, and a snow cone.

4) Go sledding, ice skate, make a snowman. It’s always fun to be a kid once and a while. Then, after you’ve had your fun, trip a kid on the ice, knock down a snowman, and show these kids they have nothing to look forward to but 4 years of annoying school work and a lifetime of boring jobs.

oh man. i’m dreaming of a white christmas.
-your favorite jmit

Hint for Show and Tell: It Blows things Up

I now subscribe to NPR’s *free* podcast “Wait Wait…Don’t Tell me!” I listened to the two most recent segments during my commute this morning, and heard a story I just had to share. I recommend these podcasts because a) they are informative (i.e. I did get caught up on current events, albeit some were minor and unimportant, but current nonetheless? and b) i did get a few chuckles here and there. I have found it really hard to laugh at comics, and I have no idea why.

The 11.17.08 podcast spoke of this most recent event that took place in Akron, OH, where a kindergarten student brought in a hand grenade for show and tell. Here is the short article from The Plain Dealer Reporter:

AKRON — A kindergartner here wowed more than his classmates today when he brought a hand grenade to show-and-tell, fire officials said.

The 5-year-old stood before curious classmates at Seiberling Elementary School on Brittian Road and asked them to guess what he had in his bookbag.

His clue was that the object could blow things up, said Akron schools spokeswoman Karen Ingraham.

The teacher grabbed the bag and saw the hand grenade. She alerted the principal who called out police and fire officials.

The school was evacuated until fire officials determined the hand grenade was a “dummy” that looked real but was no longer activated, said Fire Department Spokesman John Gordon.

Such dummy grenades can be bought at army surplus stores.

Ingraham said the student’s parents were alerted. Schools officials will determine whether the child will face any disciplinary action but Ingraham said considering his young age she doubted there was any criminal intent in his actions.

Students returned to classrooms today.

Not that we should joke about bombs in schools these days, but I just had to laugh. I would give anything to see the faces of the teacher and the school admins when this student pulled it out of the bag. And whatever happened to the days when children ran by their parents what they were bringing to show and tell? Or, God forbid, was this suggested by a parent? It does smell like something an older sibling might suggest.

I racked my brain to try and remember what I brought in for show and tell, and I honestly do not remember! Maybe a stuffed animal or a random Barbie (or Ninja turtle, depending on the year) but nothing sticks out in my head.

What about you?