Being Illiterate is Underrated.

October 6, 2008

I, Lonnie, purveyor of all things pop-ee and smutty, am calling for an unlearning of written language as means of communication.

I want mass book burnings.  I want the internet to consist of pictures and 2-d flash games.  I want no one  to appreciate this sentence:

Though she lapped at my stinky balls with the devotion of a seeing-eye dog, my mind drifted to rice pudding and the Indiana winter.

I recently volunteered to be a peer editor.  And while I am guilty of a level of incoherence, circular reasoning and surface analysis in my own writing, I am NOT guilty of being a seven year old.  And “peer” apparently means “playground”. The emotional drainage I experience when editing is worse than having a monkey uncoil my vas deferens across a field of jagged, fiery asphalt.

The answer could be that the peers who I edit (read: judge, denounce, and pity) need more practice–and that my pretension will get them absolutely nowhere.  But until they read a book, write in full sentences, or understand that you never conclude with “in conclusion”, i will fantasize about nailing their tongues to a rhino’s taint.

In conclusion, fuck helping others express their ideas more clearly.  I would rather shampoo my hair with their ejaculate than read another one of their thesis statements.


TwitterFacebookDeliciousDiggGoogle ReaderGoogle GmailGoogle BookmarksFriendFeedLinkedInMySpaceStumbleUponYahoo MailPosterousTechnorati FavoritesAIMBlogger PostShare

Tags: , , , , , ,

Shop Fan Follow Contact Subscribe


3 Responses to “ Being Illiterate is Underrated. ”

  1. revisingproust on October 7, 2008 at 2:26 am

    dare i bring up Hartman’s Law/McKean’s Law/Skitt’s Law

    watch where you put those quotation marks, Lon-o!

  2. Lonnie on October 7, 2008 at 2:33 am

    the author humbly admitted his faults in the post!
    He also feels like smearing his shit over a window and calling it art.

  3. RustedJesus on October 8, 2008 at 6:00 pm

    I do this for a living. And I agree, most of the time it feels like I’m being dragged by my scrotum by a bull through a field of shit peppered with rusted corrogated iron.

    I don’t know how to spell corrogated and I don’t care.

Leave a Reply