help me.
living in a sorority house is fun. especially when you have a full-time chef who stocks the
fridge and cabinets with an endless supply of food that makes you think “shit, i’m definitely
not making bikini season this year.”
anyway, i was just hanging out in the kitchen, searching through the cabinets and what
do i find? gushers!!!! do you remember those things? i didn’t. and i’m younger than
everyone who posts on here, so you all don’t either. so don’t even lie and say that you do
because that would just piss me off.
anyway, next to the gushers were…FRUIT ROLL UPS! like, c’mon. blast from my 5th grade
past right there. i was a bringer. my mom never packed fruit roll ups because they were too sugary so i traded at the lunch table for them. anyways, what i’m trying to say is that
gushers and fruit roll ups are now the staple of my diet. AND, after my nutritional science
lecture on friday afternoon, i learned that that is NOT okay. so…..should i keep eating
the gushers and fruit roll ups OR should i listen to Professor Nutri Sci. Help me!!!!!!!
-Tough love.
oh, also, i’m reading the iliad for school right now and i just don’t get it.
help me with that too.
Advertisement
oh college, i remember THOSE days.
you are never allowed to eat fruit roll ups. thats because this other fruity sensation called fruit-by-the-foot exists, and fruit by the foot is 800 times more fulfilling to consume.
but gushers are a problem. they put 8 in a pack. and everyone knows that you need 17 packs for a meal. doing some quick mental math, i would say that is about 130 too many gushers. but if you can keep it down to a pack a day, you are in good shape.
and the iliad is about a guy. or is that the odyssey? fuck.
hmmm. The Iliad is about obsessions. Taking things too far, love, war, pride, loyalties. You’re obsessed with fruit roll-ups and gushers. Here are the dangers you now face: being murdered by the jealous former lover of your new bride; having your concubine taken and you being murdered by your King who is obsessed with being you and conquering the world; being murdered by the gods for not paying the proper respects for your godlike ability to murder other people; being murdered for accidentally murdering the cousin of the greatest murderer in all the world because you thought the cousin was actually the murderer; subjecting your city to the murderous hordes of the your enemy because you blindly believe in the superstitions of the gods; causing the destruction of your family and entire civilization because of your vanity and lust for the most beautiful woman in the world.
So, I’ll let you decide what you should about that candy. I, personally, am obsessed with sandwiches. It has brought nothing but misery upon me and my family, but nothing but bliss when chewing and swallowing.