Gulf Coast Exchange Rises Slightly After Ike; Most Fish Optimistic

September 15, 2008

North America’s largest fish stock exchange rose slightly today amid fears over damage
from Hurricane Ike’s weekend wrath, and amid a sudden slip in human financial markets
worldwide. But a few nerve-racking days were apparently not enough to cause alarm in
the current fish bull market.

Even with major human financial firms going belly up and indexes on the largest human stock exchange falling substantially, fish have fared well recently.

Professor Gill Gulpers, of Grouper Polytechnic School of Business, said that fish financials would remain strong, despite human weakness. Professor Gulpers cited the “continued reliable performance of underwater rating agencies” as one reason that leading salty-water exchanges will continue to be a different kettle of fish than human exchanges.

Legendary investor Mudskipper McAlister was also optimistic. Mr. McAlister said that fears about  damage from Hurricane Ike were overblown all along, and that “it’s largely a human problem — them building their buildings up there with all the winds that do all the damage.” He added that, “in case you haven’t noticed, we fishes build underwater.”

Separately, in a briefing in Washington, the human Treasury secretary, Henry M. Paulson, recapped his emergency meeting on Friday evening with fish Treasury secretary Cosmoid Cuddlefish, in preperation for Paulson’s facilitation of the downfall of human investment bank Lehman Brothers. Cuddlefish, the current President of the IMF, is regarded as a world expert in dealing with banking crisises. Paulson said that his meeting with Cuddlefish was “critical during a perilous time for the human financial system.” Shortly after the meeting, while removing his scuba gear, Paulson also said that he “greatly appreciates the broad fish support for America.”

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4 Responses to “ Gulf Coast Exchange Rises Slightly After Ike; Most Fish Optimistic ”

  1. RustedJesus on September 16, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    Here’s a joke.

    So these two young fish are swimming along, headed no where in particular, just out for a swim. An older fish comes their way and calls out to them, “Hey young bloods, how’s the water today?”

    The two young fish just swim by. they then look at each other and the one says to the other, “What the fuck is water?”

  2. revisingproust on September 17, 2008 at 12:04 am

    love this.

    what’s this called again? the literary device?

    it reminds me of the first scene of harry potter 6. (don’t make fun of me for not saying some famous book that uses whatever this literary device is called…)

  3. MrOink on September 17, 2008 at 3:18 am

    I should know — I was an English major after all. But I suppose not a very good one.

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