Here is a situation I know everyone out there has faced at least once.
On a rainy late summer evening the heavy muggy air started driving me wild. It was a combination of boredom and randiness. So I went to craislist.com and searched the casual encounters. There it was–in beautiful blue html—BBM tired of rain, seeks plaything. Without a second thought an email was sent off to this BBM and I awaited its arrival.
Then it hit. What the hell is a BBM?!
My first inclination was Bountifully Bouncing Mammaries. That would be wonderful, but I know that it also stands for “Black Berry Messenger.” Frantically searching the internet I discovered that BBM can stand for many different things like, Broke Back Mountain (Urbandictionary), Battery Backup Module (huh?), and worst of all Big Beautiful Male.
45 Minutes later the apartment buzzer sang. Sweating like an illiterate child trying to read I pressed “talk” and asked who it was. The reply was in a voice deeper than that guy who was in Armageddon, and Dodgeball, and the Greenmile, “It’s DonTré.” I let DonTré up. We made love and he held me very tenderly. We laughed about the Typo he made: technically he was BBBM (Big Beautiful Black Male). Overall it was a really nice time and certainly helped me take my mind off the rain.
Now to the point. There are a lot of acronyms out there—especially in casual encounter land. Would the dignified members of Nonpretentious help me catalog some of their favorites or most unusual? I will Start:
CMBWTMA: Cup my balls while tickling my armpits
If you haven’t tried this yet you haven’t lived. It kind of looks like a person doing the “C” from YMCA dance, but while holding your balls and tickling the shit out of you.