2008 August 27 | nonpretentious

DNC Day 3

Let’s talk.

I’m going to attempt a running commentary during tonight’s major speeches: Bill Clinton (happening right now!) and Joe Biden. Fellow contributors, join in. Readers, join in. Let’s get started.

9:18 PM
Hillary is wearing teal tonight. Me likey. And Chelsea looks good to! Oh yeah, did you see Jennifer Garner and Jessica Alba earlier. They’re sitting next to each other, like they know each other. ha! fat chance. Though I would like to have sex with both of them right now, while listening to Bill Clinton telling me to vote for Barack Obama.

9:24 PM
Is it me, or do Hillary’s eyes look like they’re going to pop out of her head? Kind of like this:

Mac and Me

9:26 PM
Yes! Got the thumb up from Bill! Ooo. Who is that saucy Asian he just kissed?

9:29 PM
God, I hate Wolf. He’s the worst. If I was given the choice to take a million dollars or shoot Wolf in the foot, I’d shoot Wolf in the foot.

Fletch is in the audience. Now it’s a party.

9:34 PM
Does anyone think that Carville has become a caricature of himself. If he had hair, he’d be Yosemite Sam.

9:36 PM
Thank god, we don’t have to listen John Kerry right now. He’s probably flip flopping and some how fucking the shit up.

9:43 PM
Wow. Kerry is pretty good at campaigning for other people. shit, he should have just pretended someone else was running in ‘04. Or referred to himself in the third person.

9:45 PM
What? Obama’s uncle is white? Obama isn’t pure black? He’s a halfy? Micegenation! Micegenation!

That was me being a Republican for a moment.

9:49 PM
I really think they need to get some crunk music on. I want some Young Jeezy/Kanye – Put On

Let’s get gully!

10:08 PM
I’m an idiot. I finally figured out a better way to do this so that my posts are taking up all the room and pushing out the other ones. Hooray technology!

10:12 PM
Fuck. I want to listen to Tammy Duckworth, Iraq War Veteran. NOT WOLF BLITZER!

10:14 PM
Really? Meg Whitman? Former CEO of eBay? What? Context. She is a possible choice for John McCain’s VP. Ridiculous. What, is she going to auction off the US to the highest bidder? Too late, Bush already sold us to Halliburton.

10:17 PM
God, that formal nomination process scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t tell if the people were yelling “yea” or “nay.” Fancy Nancy Pelosi didn’t even hesitate to see if there were any “no’s.” It was terrifying. What if someone said no. Would they be beaten to death. Seems like there was a lot of peer pressure in that place.

10:28 PM
What is with all these people crying? Are these speeches really that emotional? I mean, they’re pretty good, some excellent. But tear worthy? Am I just a cold shallow man?

10:35 PM
“Why do we fall, Bruce? So we can get back up”
“Haven’t given up on me yet, Alfred?” “Nevah!”

Joe Biden is terrifying. I think that’s a good thing. I think. Jury’s still out.

10:37 PM
I have this very real fear that if I don’t vote for Obama, Biden will show up at my door and punch me in the brain.

10:55 PM
Damn. I think I’m shitting my pants. This is all pretty damn exciting. But I keep thinking of my friend Seth who keeps saying that he’s terrified about this election. It’s so hard after the crushing disappointment four years ago to really truly believe that we can get out of the shit. But damn, Obama is a sexy, sexy man.

I’m not going to bother with Wolf and Anderson’s asinine comments. I’ll talk to ya’ll tomorrow night for Obama’s acceptance speech. Peace!