I’m about to start a 23-post rampage.
They each will consist of one question from Chuck Klosterman’s deadly book Sex, Drugs and Coco Puffs. These questions are intended to be asked of someone you are wondering if you could love. Since I’m asking them of myself, I’m effectually asking if you’ll love me for me. I will answer the question thoroughly and honestly. Brutally honest. Like the kind of honesty you tend to regret as soon as the words come out of your mouth. As honest as shit and piss. Here we go!
QUESTION #1:
Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume he can do five simple tricks—he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similar vein. These are his only tricks and he can’t learn any others; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he’s doing these five tricks with real magic. It’s not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He’s legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence. Would this person be person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?
Before I found this photo of Einstein on the beach, I was going to say that the magician was more impressive. I had a good reason, but I lost it immediately upon viewing this photo. This photo was taken in 1945. So presumably, this is after he and some other nerds were forced by the U.S. government to take their genius and mold it into a weapon that would have unforseen ramifications on international relations and world power. Such a task forced upon such a man should have driven him insane. But here we see that even after inventing mass destruction on the atomic scale, Einstein was able to enjoy a beautiful day on the beach. Albeit, he’s wearing women’s shoes, but shit, which man hasn’t worn women’s shoes at least once (or twice, or every night in bed). Albert, you are a resilient, courageous, impressive man. You are magical, more magical than Criss Angel and David Blaine.
Plus, I.Q. is like the best movie ever. I think it won an Oscar, for the best movie ever.
Note: I tried to find a funny video that was making fun of Criss Angel, but realized a video of the real Criss Angel accomplishes the same thing. Now that is impressive.
